ok still frustrated
chaos ask me to write down what i am frustrated and angry about. so i shall give it a try. i dont know exactly makes me feel this way now. and its occuring quite often these few days.
ok. right now, i should be doing photoshop for website banner. i dont really really know how to do photoshop. so have to toggle here and there. going to take long. but nvm. slowly do. i feel awake. but my computer so slow. f dont know why. just format only! harddisk half filled. so why so slow. got virus? no virus. no trojans. so should not be slow. ok. then went to find online music to soothe my nerves end up the music starts and stops. cuz internet connection is slow? downloads is slow. everything slow. f. daddy knocked on my room, telling me his downloads is slow. ask me why. i say i dont know. he asked some more. i growled and say i dont know. he got the hint.
quite frustrating these days. cuz i need to eat a lot of med. like many pills a day. and i keep forgetting. and mommy keep nagging. so sian. and its not liquid med. its pills. have to swallow. somemore i have to bring school and eat it after meals. super sian. dont know why body like that. today st showed that to go for sex change costs abt 10k-20k. i dont have the money. so no sex change for me. for my medication, its long term med gotta keep up to it for at least for a month. and mommy got even more pills for me. some nutritional PILL (AGAIN) stuff. and the dosage is like 3 times a day. in total i get 15 pills a day. sobs. i want to cry.
regardign school, projs are still clearing. lagging behind one module badly. need to study over the weekend. be a good student. frenz are the same old ppl. graduation coming nearer. and i feel happier for that matter.
regarding internship, quite worrying, i have not got a confirmed company yet. as in i applied, but no responses. and it worries me. am i that unemployable? sad. feel quite helpless in this matter too. sent email to ocs they nv reply. f lah. pay them $ for what. haiz. cant believe i meet so many obstacles jsut for a simple internship. others seek to get branded companies and all, yet i cant even get one company. truely sian. oh well, things will settled themselve.
hmm what more? oh got rejected for the competition. quite disappointment. but nevertheles learned sth in the process. but mr pms is greatly pms-ing like me. and i was telling him i need debrief session to overcome the disappointment. haha. and that i cant counsel him cuz i feel bad too. anyway, its over. silly challenge that we cant make to the finals.
what more. i've been seeing my friends in school more often than i meet red. which is fine on most days. but not fine recently. cuz its like i keep seeing, one person so regularly that i will still meet the person even though we have different classes, and timing, and what not. like huh. shouldnt the person i be meeting more often be mr red. dont know. anyway, i did meet him at wellness today. but seriously, quite strange. haiz. and i am not someone who will insist, or impose red to come meet me on certain days, or call me on certain time. its restrictive which i think isnt good. and so, it comes and it goes. ok. i can accept the ebbs.
but i am still frustrated now. ok . what more. ... hmmmm... maybe its pms. since i have been flowing for 3 weeks. so relatively, pms will be triple the dosage then ? wah seh.. then whole world will die under my hands le. world war 3 starts with me. hahaaha.
eh.. ok.. thats all that is happening..
*thinks hard*
maybe ............... too stressed? perhaps. maybe ....
haiz.. i feel relieved that i talk so much. feel better. this is self counselling !!!! but that after, the anger and frustration is still there..
tmr is my rest day. dont care le. i rest. the world can spin without me.
ok. right now, i should be doing photoshop for website banner. i dont really really know how to do photoshop. so have to toggle here and there. going to take long. but nvm. slowly do. i feel awake. but my computer so slow. f dont know why. just format only! harddisk half filled. so why so slow. got virus? no virus. no trojans. so should not be slow. ok. then went to find online music to soothe my nerves end up the music starts and stops. cuz internet connection is slow? downloads is slow. everything slow. f. daddy knocked on my room, telling me his downloads is slow. ask me why. i say i dont know. he asked some more. i growled and say i dont know. he got the hint.
quite frustrating these days. cuz i need to eat a lot of med. like many pills a day. and i keep forgetting. and mommy keep nagging. so sian. and its not liquid med. its pills. have to swallow. somemore i have to bring school and eat it after meals. super sian. dont know why body like that. today st showed that to go for sex change costs abt 10k-20k. i dont have the money. so no sex change for me. for my medication, its long term med gotta keep up to it for at least for a month. and mommy got even more pills for me. some nutritional PILL (AGAIN) stuff. and the dosage is like 3 times a day. in total i get 15 pills a day. sobs. i want to cry.
regardign school, projs are still clearing. lagging behind one module badly. need to study over the weekend. be a good student. frenz are the same old ppl. graduation coming nearer. and i feel happier for that matter.
regarding internship, quite worrying, i have not got a confirmed company yet. as in i applied, but no responses. and it worries me. am i that unemployable? sad. feel quite helpless in this matter too. sent email to ocs they nv reply. f lah. pay them $ for what. haiz. cant believe i meet so many obstacles jsut for a simple internship. others seek to get branded companies and all, yet i cant even get one company. truely sian. oh well, things will settled themselve.
hmm what more? oh got rejected for the competition. quite disappointment. but nevertheles learned sth in the process. but mr pms is greatly pms-ing like me. and i was telling him i need debrief session to overcome the disappointment. haha. and that i cant counsel him cuz i feel bad too. anyway, its over. silly challenge that we cant make to the finals.
what more. i've been seeing my friends in school more often than i meet red. which is fine on most days. but not fine recently. cuz its like i keep seeing, one person so regularly that i will still meet the person even though we have different classes, and timing, and what not. like huh. shouldnt the person i be meeting more often be mr red. dont know. anyway, i did meet him at wellness today. but seriously, quite strange. haiz. and i am not someone who will insist, or impose red to come meet me on certain days, or call me on certain time. its restrictive which i think isnt good. and so, it comes and it goes. ok. i can accept the ebbs.
but i am still frustrated now. ok . what more. ... hmmmm... maybe its pms. since i have been flowing for 3 weeks. so relatively, pms will be triple the dosage then ? wah seh.. then whole world will die under my hands le. world war 3 starts with me. hahaaha.
eh.. ok.. thats all that is happening..
*thinks hard*
maybe ............... too stressed? perhaps. maybe ....
haiz.. i feel relieved that i talk so much. feel better. this is self counselling !!!! but that after, the anger and frustration is still there..
tmr is my rest day. dont care le. i rest. the world can spin without me.
Sprinkled upon a star
on Wednesday, March 07, 2007 at 8:04 AM.
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